Brothers, Friends, Lovers
by SALJStella
Summary: Set during season 1. Seth and Ryan have always been more than friends. Ryan has always been the big brother, the smart one, the one that's there for Seth. Always. And when Seth has said goodbye to Anna, he really needs just that. SethRyan slash.


**A/N: Christ, I can't believe I'm doing this… Anyway, this is my first OC-fic, EVER! So please, please, please, be constructive, but if you send me too mean reviews, I'll start to cut myself… Hehe. Anyway, read, my darlings, read!**

**Brothers, Friends, Lovers**

Seth said it himself: He and Ryan are like brothers.

But he, too, probably knows that they're so much more than that. They're brothers, friends, father and son.

Ryan is the big brother. He's the one who's smart and strong, the one that Seth looks up to with wide, childish eyes.

It's always been like this, really. Seth gets into trouble, and either it's with Summer and Anna, or with Luke that hangs him upside down in his feet. And Ryan walks up to Luke and says with his hoarse, low voice: "Get off him."

Or, if it's because of Summer and Anna, he listens to Seth. He gives advices, he says what's right to do, and if Seth objects or brings stupid ways out of it, Ryan holds him down. Figuratively, that is. He forces Seth to face the truth, forces him to realize what he has to do. He brings in a sarcastic comment every once in a while, and the few things he says are usually muffled by his own pride. He says it quietly and with fake reluctance, because he doesn't want Seth to know how much le loves to be the big brother.

Because he does. Ryan doesn't want to show it, but any idiot can tell: Every time Seth comes to him with a problem, or every time Ryan can make the big boys back away from Seth, he swells with pride.

He's barely done anything reasonable in all his life. He's always been The Problem, The One Who's Not Really Supposed To Be There. And now, all the sudden, he has someone who thinks that everything he does is right. Someone who is his protégé and loves it, someone who, despite certain protests, always listens to his advices, someone who, as the little dumb person he is, looks up to him as a god, a friend, a father. Even though he already has the perfect dad.

They're friends. They've been that since Ryan first came to Newport, since he first saw Seth sit in front of the videogame with that common expression of being caught.

Ryan has never played videogames. But he can do that with Seth. Even when he screws up, it feels successful, as long as it's with Seth. Plus, when someone looks at you with that glint in the eye that Seth has when he looks at him, anyone can think that everything they do is right. Even if Seth kills his animated ninjas in the speed of light.

They're friends. Brothers. And Ryan will always be the oldest and the wisest, the one who sits at the kitchen table and rolls his eyes as Seth comes in and talks about his high school-problems.

Yes, Ryan is in high school, too. But he's still older than Seth. He always will be. It's the laws of nature, and neither one of them will ever question it. They love it.

Ryan has time to think all this as he stands by the car and waits for Seth to come back.

He wonders how it will be for Seth. It is big, saying goodbye to Anna. It was hard for Ryan, how crappy will it then be for Seth? He knows that Seth always loved her, even if it never was… Well, in a romantic way. She was his role model when Ryan wasn't there… And now, she's leaving.

Ryan puts two fingers to his eyelids. Damn… He didn't know it'd be this hard…

But on some level, he knows he's not sad over Anna.

Seth will be devastated when he gets out of that airport. Nothing, nothing that even Ryan can say, will be able to pick his spirits up.

And here it comes. Seth slams the door to the airport open. He drags his feet, his arms hang lifeless along his sides, and his face is already red and swollen and strayed with tears. Ryan tries to keep his eyes from widening as he sees his friend.

_Was she that hard on him? _

He opens the car door and stumbles out onto the asphalt. Seth's moist eyes rise to his face, but he seems only half aware of Ryan's presence.

"Seth…" Ryan begins, but Seth cuts him off.

"She left."

"I know. Seth, do you…"

"She left," Seth repeats and throws an arm out to the empty gate behind him. "You get it? She left."

Ryan is at him now. He keeps his gaze on Seth's flushed face, and his hands are leveled with his shoulders, but he's not sure what to do with them.

"Was it because of you?"

"No," Seth replies and draws his hand over his eyes. "She said she was lonely. She was lonely. What kind of a damn friend am I, Ryan? I thought I was there all the time, that she could talk to me, but she was lonely, even when I was with her, she was lonely…"

"Seth…"

"It was Summer," Seth goes on, and by now, he seems to talk to himself as much as to Ryan. "She wanted to be with me, and I wanted to be with Summer… Why did I want to be with Summer, if I'd just wanted to be with her, she might've stayed…"

"Seth, I don't think you'd be able to make her stay… It was her choice."

"Like hell it was!" Seth hisses and puts his hand over his eyes again. "It was me, it was always me, if I'd only…"

"Seth," Ryan says and puts his hand on Seth's shoulder.

"Summer thinks I wanted Anna," Seth continues and wipes some burning tears away. "I hate that I didn't want her…"

"It wasn't your fault, Seth," Ryan says firmly, and without thinking of it, he moves his hand up to Seth's face, cups his cheek. "Didn't she say herself that she left because she had to?"

"She lied. It was my fault, it was always my…"

"Seth…"

"Always my…"

"Don't," Ryan says abruptly.

And so he places a chaste kiss on Seth's lips. And Seth quiets down immediately.

And Ryan kisses his again, presses his face to his friend's, his brother's, his protégé's, dominates their new contact, shoves his tongue deep into his mouth and doesn't even think of the hunger in which Seth responds, he doesn't think of the fact that the entire Newport can see them, hell, he barely thinks of the fact that he kisses him, and nothing of this makes sense, but at this point, nothing else does, either.

When they finally break apart, they still don't let go. If they let go, or if they even stop to think, this will go away. The warmth, the closure, the desire will go away, if they just come to their senses for only a second.

Ryan, old and wise, knows this very well. So he forces his brain to stay muddled as hid hand slides from Seth's face, down to his arm.

If anyone sees them, of anyone understands that _my god! It's Seth Cohen and Ryan Atwood! _so much more can go wrong that what can fit into Seth's childish view over the world. If Kirsten and Sandy finds out… Everything will be lost. The entire empire hat Ryan has built up during this year, will go down. It's so thin, so fragile…

But he doesn't think of any of this. He just opens the back door to the car, drags Seth into the comfort of dyed windows, slams the door shut behind them, presses his lips to his again, forces this new, foreign lust into Seth's mouth.

This is something that Seth never said.

They're like brothers.

They're brothers. Friends. Mentor and protégé. Father and son.

Lovers.

And that's how it always will be. As long as they both live, Ryan and Seth will have something left of this. Not everything, but always something. Maybe the newfound love will go away as soon as they get out of the car, but even if that happens, they will always be friends. Or brothers. Forever.

**Loved it? Hated it? Please review! And please don't flame, because if you do… (Picks up razor) **


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